I heard one of my all time favorite songs on the way home tonight I hope you dance. My daddy gave me a book containing the lyrics with the single on a cd when I was little. I LOVED IT I STILL LOVE it. Tonight it reminded me of how I haven't literally danced in 5 years now. (I'm getting super old...) and even worse I haven't figuratively danced in quite some time. I haven't slowed down to take a breath in ages it seems--- well its only been 4 months---ONLY---ugh. Since the madness began of working 6 days a week and going to school full time.
It also became an emotional night when I read this. I think that my life is so terrible because I'm not pregnant after 3 1/2 years of "not preventing" while at the same time not "trying and calculating, etc." to get pregnant. My life is not terrible compared to the one speaker who lost her husband. Favorite new quote..."Even with the Lord's greatest blessings promised to us, the most difficult trial for us as mortals is then 'waiting for eventually.. to actually come.'' How true is this and sooooo on point in my life??? You have no idea. I have a problem and that problem is not being able to be patient, to trust in my Heavenly Father and to stop and smell the roses and just enjoy the "simple" life that my husband and I share together before things change to a different more complicated life when our children finally join us. The more and more I think about it(which is like 75% of my day), the more I realize that this is the one thing that comes as a challenge to Brad and I. We have never struggled in our relationship. We have never been that poor newlywed couple struggling to get by. We have never had to miss out on any vacations, having the internet, cable, going out to do whatever we wanted. We have never struggled with believing in the gospel. We have both had great jobs and have been able to fully support ourselves. We both have an education and are pursuing more for the future of our family. We have lived very comfortably without sacrificing much (except for a washer and dryer the past 2 years)... :). But getting pregnant seems to be the one thing that Heavenly Father needed to remind us that everyone has their challenges in life or to remind us that the best things in life are the ones that we apparently need to wait a long long long time to be blessed with. Either way I know I will be a mother one day. I know that that is my true calling in life and the one thing that I would give everything up for. I need to start refocusing my life on the things that do matter.And just because I will most likely be the last person to get pregnant out of my family and friends... NO ONE BETTER USE THE FOLLOWING NAMES FOR THEIR CHILDREN!!!!! 1. Sutton2. Eleanore3. Donnovan4. Densley If you think I am crazy about getting pregnant... I'm even crazier about naming my babies. Most of you probably hate the names anyways... and who knows how I'll feel once I am pregnant but I've gotta protect the ones I love for now! :)
Well sorry for the longest schpill from my brain ever. I just had a lot of emotions tonight and had to get them written down. Hope that everyone out there is doing well! and good news... Brad and I leave for our cruise in t-minus 18 days. HALLELUJAH!!!!!! I have never needed something more in my life. Also on that note... Nessa and Shadoe are getting sealed in 19 days!!! yay!!! I can't wait! Utah.Vegas.California.Mexico. HERE WE COME!
My VT (one of my few best friends in this lovely Tucson) gave me a little lesson on scripture study last night. And let me tell you... Reading my scriptures is the last thing I want to do on the 3 days of the week where I leave at 7:30 am and don't get home until 8:30 pm, let alone the days that I just do a normal shift. When I get home, I want to let my mind be vacant. I don't want to think or let alone move. But I do realize how important this simple gospel principle is. So from now on I will be reading. Even if its just 1/2 of a chapter.
